On Riddick

Dong Nguyen developed a little app for iOs called Flappy Bird.  The game was extraordinarily simple in design, and extraordinarily difficult in play.  The concept, tap the screen to get a bird through small gaps.  There is no end-game, no goals other than get through as many gaps as possible. The game took the world by storm.  The designer got more attention than he wanted and pulled the game from iOs.  But it was too late.  The world knew about Flappy Bird.  The world loved Flappy Bird.  And with it gone, it has been emulated to no end.  Type in Flappy in the app store and there will be no end to the games where one must get a flappy something through small gaps.  What happened?  Someone created a formula for a game.  It worked.  Designers trying to cash in on the success copied the formula to varying degrees of success.

In 2000, a low-budget movie was released, chronicling the story of a convict stranded on a remote planet with his would-be captors.  The story initially begins with the attempt to maintain capture of said convict, but quickly turns into survival against the environment as the world goes Pitch Black and chaos ensues.  A simple formula for a movie.  It worked.  It remains my favorite of the franchise. It is considered a "cult classic" (so says Wikipedia - this isn't rocket science, I can use Wikipedia for research if I want!).

Four years later a sequel was released.  The budget of said sequel was significantly higher, and the story strayed into the realm of convict versus bounty hunter versus necromongers (so over-the-top on the naming convention there), dropping the alien-esque aspects of Pitch Black altogether.  The movie was high in action, but with all its fanfare and pomp, it failed to live up to its predecessor.  

Ten years later a third movie was released; Riddick (the movie in question, and where my Flappy Bird story starts to make sense).  After the flopping of the sequel, someone in the production/writing department must have looked back at Pitch Black and said "why did this work where The Chronicles of Riddick failed?  Oh, we eliminated the survival from the environment aspect of the franchise from Chronicles.  Maybe that would help!).  And so Riddick returns to the formula that made Pitch Black so successful: Part B) Convict versus Bounty Hunter.  Part C) Everyone versus the planet.  You may have noticed that earlier I stated Pitch Black was my favorite still (even though Riddick follows a similar formula).  You may also have noticed that I broke the two parts similar in formula to Pitch Black as Part B and Part C.  The problem?  Part A.

Riddick takes approximately 30 minutes to get to a point where there is ANY plot.  It is 30 minutes of Riddick finding himself on a planet and fighting one creature after another.  You would think this would be exciting, but after the third or fourth random monster, brief flashback to the necromonger stuff you hoped would be left behind (and thankfully is after said flashback), and extremely low volume self reflection, it just drags.  I have to wonder how many people the movie lost to walk-out due to the excruciatingly slow start.

If you find yourself willing to brave the 30 minute introduction, the movie then follows the Pitch Black formula and becomes a better/more exciting movie.  It has action, it has monsters, it has Katee Sackhoff (in the shower, no less).  It loses to Pitch Black due to that 30 minute snooze-fest, and due to its attempt to be more edgy through over-the-top action (did Riddick seriously need to dive head first in dramatic fashion to get down that three foot ledge?).  It also has some atrocious dialogue.

So why bother seeing this?  Aside from my griping, once you pass that 30 minute introduction, it is an entertaining survival film that simply fails in its attempt to one-up what made the first movie such a success.  Vin Diesel remains the likable tough-guy convict.  Katee Sackhoff is gorgeous and badass.  And apparently sales of the DVD have been high enough that the company is in discussion to continue the franchise for a fourth film (so some people must have been less critical of it than me).  I wouldn't care to own this (whereas I now wonder why I don't own a copy of Pitch Black), but I don't regret following up on the franchise.

I give it...  Ewoks.

On 2013 - Top Three and Bottom One

So, 2013 has come and gone (10 days ago, I know I'm a little behind on the obligatory "year in review" type of post).  It was an entertainment filled year where I went to the theater to see more movies and read more books than 2012.  I hope to continue this trend in 2014.  

I see a lot of top 10 lists around (most of them posted timely around New Year's, but I'm behind on reading the blogs too).  I will cut the list down to the top three and bottom one.  Movies / Books are linked to my review where one exists.  

Movies (only counts if I saw the movie in the theater):

# 3 - Monsters University

I took my four year old to see this and she loved it.  I did too.  Even today, weeks after she received the movie on DVD over the holidays and we have more-or-less had this on TV any time Yo Gabba Gabba is not on, I still love it.  It is fun, funny, and one of the better sequels done by Disney.  Ok, what it teaches children may not be the best lesson in the world, but it's a fun movie filled with a lot of good laughs.  I mean, it's Revenge of the Nerds for kids.

I don't believe it.  I'm on a top of the year list!

# 2 - The World's End

These guys are comedy gold.  All three of the movies are completely different yet all carry similar humor, heart and over-the-top ridiculous goodness.   

Made the list.  Time to hit the pub!

# 1 - Pacific Rim

Giant Robots fighting Giant Monsters.  And Ron Perlman.  

I liked the movie this much!

Honorable Mention - The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug  

This loses a little ground in that to me it didn't live up to the first part, and was an hour too long.  

Bottom - Broken City

Maybe it would have been better had I not gone into the theater thinking it would be an action movie.  Probably not.  So.  Slow.  

Books (based on what I read, not year of release)

# 3 Demon Cycle (I need to cheat and use the series since I did a lot of series binging this year)

I never posted a review of these books, so I feel compelled to at least put a blurb here.  I was convinced I would not like the Demon Cycle books (great way to start a review, no?).  I read the premise and thought it really interesting.  And then I picked up book one.  It starts WAY in the past of the "present" storyline (though you don't know that at the time).  Thinking this is what the story would be, I knew I wouldn't like it.  But the present storyline comes on with a vengeance, and it grew on me more and more with each page.  

# 2 The Republic of Thieves 

Sabetha

# 1 The Lightbringer (again cheating with the series name)

Cliche cloaked man doesn't do justice to a FANTASTIC book series (love the coloring though)

Bottom - NOS4A2

I love Joe Hill, and it's really not fair that he holds this position as the bottom of my 2013 pile.  Heart Shaped Box and Horns are fantastic books.  NOS4A2 wasn't horrible, but it really didn't hold my attention as well as his prior works.  And I should add that being the bottom book I read in 2013 is not necessarily a terrible thing.  I had no 1 or 2 (goodreads) rated books in 2013.  I don't read 50 books a year, so I tend to make sure my selections will hold my interest whenever possible.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  2013 was a good book year for me.  I still highly recommend Hill's works, though maybe you pick up the other two books first.  

On The World's End

Where do I begin? 

Edgar Wright.  Now, as an American with no too much free time on his hands, I have not seen EVERYTHING Edgar Wright has been a part of.  I have, however, seen every major theatrical release to date.  So, I feel it safe to say that Edgar Wright can do no wrong.  Shall we take a quick tour through his filmography?

Shaun of the Dead: Probably the best romantic comedy disguised as a zombie movie ever.

Hot Fuzz:  Carrying that same brand of humor into the police buddy-comedy.

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World:  How perfect was this comic book adaptation?  Perfect.  

And now, The World's End.  IMDB synopsis:  Five friends who reunite in an attempt to top their epic pub crawl from 20 years earlier unwittingly become humankind's only hope for survival.

The World's End marks the end of what is being called the Cornetto trilogy.  The name stems from the Cornetto ice cream that appears in each of the flicks (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz and The World's End).


But there's more that ties these movies together.  There's running gags (failed fence-jumping scenes) and there's the important thing.  All of these movies take ordinary people and place them into ridiculous situations.  But no matter how ridiculous the situations are, the stories are something of a bildungsroman.  That's not exactly correct as these aren't children coming into adulthood, but rather adults learning to "grow up." The movies are laugh-out-loud funny in the complete absurdness of the situations these characters are put in, but are also touching, heartwarming, and fully relatable.

The World's End is no different.  It is a story about growing up, about admitting there is more to life than those childhood fantasies of forever doing nothing but having a good time, and behind it all, it is the story of aliens attempting to take over the world.  Simon Pegg is fantastic in his Sisters of Mercy loving, alcoholic, broken man role.  Nick Frost, for a change, gets to play the straight character - no longer the bumbling comic relief, and he does it well.  The friendship between Simon and Nick outside of the movie universe gives the emotional scenes a sense of realism.




The movie is incredibly funny.  It's almost unfair but is inevitable that the movie be compared to Edgar Wright's previous offerings.  It's unfair because Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz have benefited from multiple viewings.  I can admit that I grew more fond of Hot Fuzz after subsequent watchings.  It's almost like Super Troopers - a comedy that really needs additional viewings to catch all of the more subtle comedy that is easily missed the first time around.  As such, The World's End doesn't seem to quite meet the standards of the first two in the "trilogy." The setup to the pub crawl is a bit on the slower side.  But once the movie gets going, it is relentless.  Action.  Laughs.  This definitely has the potential to grow on you as it is easily re-watchable.

Not owning Shaun of the Dead or Hot Fuzz, I can certainly see myself purchasing a box set of the trilogy upon its inevitable release.  Highly recommended.

On a side note, Edgar Wright's next movie will be Ant-Man for Marvel.  While I was never much of an Ant-Man fan, I am very excited to see his take on a superhero movie.

On 2 Guns

Here's how I imagine the pitch going.

Pitcher:  I have an idea for a new movie.

Executive:  How many guns are in it?

Pitcher:  One.

Executive:  I don't know.

Pitcher:  No wait.  Two.  Two Guns.

Executive:  Shit, now we're talking.  Go on.

Kidding aside, 2 Guns was seriously a lot of fun.  

Synopsis (per IMDB):

A DEA agent and a naval intelligence officer find themselves on the run after a botched attempt to infiltrate a drug cartel.  While fleeing, they learn the secret of their shaky alliance:  Neither knew that the other was an undercover agent.  

Review:

2 Guns (the movie) is based on a series of comic books written by Steven Grant for Boom! Studios.  I've never picked up the books, but after seeing the film, I may have to look into it.  You've read the synopsis and likely seen the trailers, so I won't go into detail on the plot.  Marky Mark and Denzel play off each other perfectly.  Their banter was hilarious.  

The story is what it is.  When you expect someone to be in on the conspiracy, they likely are.  Nothing unpredictable, but you're not seeing this movie for unexpected plot twists.  

No, you're seeing this movie because not only does it contain a gun, but two guns.  Almost enough to get started on that gun rack.

You're seeing this movie for the witty (witty?) banter between these characters caught in a deadly game of "where's my money?!" between a drug cartel, the navy, the DEA, and the mystery mouseketool (Mickey Mouse Clubhouse helping to keep this spoiler free).  

This wasn't quite there, but was nearly as good of a shoot 'em up as, well, Shoot 'Em Up.  

See this if you're looking for a fun(ny) action flick a la Shoot 'Em Up and The Expendables.

On Pacific Rim

I don't get to the movies as often as I like.  And when I do, the movies I see tend to be on the tail end of their cinematic run.  So any review I put up for the film tends to be significantly later than bloggers who stay current and get out more.  However, there is a pro to this, and Pacific Rim is a prime example of this.  

Movie trailers have one job.  They are designed to sell the movie to the consumer.  Pacific Rim, with it's cast of Sons of Anarchy actors, with Guillermo Del Toro at the helm, with it's premise (giant robots fighting giant aliens) was a pretty easy sell for me.  I had HIGH expectations of this movie, and was eagerly anticipating its release.  

But time passed and the stars never aligned with the availability of babysitting, movie schedule timing, etc. to allow us to get to the movies.  In that time the blogosphere (did I just write that) filled with review upon review of the movie.  And for certain things, I will try to avoid spoilery content, but this didn't fit into that paradigm seeming a pretty straight-forward concept.  So, I indulged in the opinion of others, and in doing so, learned that perhaps the movie would not be all I had hoped it would be.  However, that would not stop me from seeing it.  Giant robots fighting giant aliens.  I'm not turning that down.  So, we saw Pacific Rim, but with significantly reduced expectations.  And it was everything I wanted it to be.  

Sure, the acting wasn't top notch, the fighting...  I just don't understand why they need all this martial arts, ninja fighting training when the robot fighting is the equivalent to WWE Friday Night Smackdown (I lift things up and put them down).  But I grew up with Voltron, Tranzor Z, Power Rangers, Neon Genesis: Evangelion, etc. and Pacific Rim is a throwback to the robots of old.  An homage.  It needn't be perfect.  It wasn't perfect.  But it certainly was entertaining.  Hell, some of those scenes (particularly Mako's flashbacks) were so intense I had flashbacks to U-571 (seriously, one of the most tense, edge-of-your-seat, I'm going puke I'm so stressed, movies ever made).  

The musical score was phenomenal.

And so I wish to thank my fellow bloggers at cinematic corner, two dollar cinema, and whoa, this is heavy (amongst the many others) for reviewing this closer to the release date of the film.  You've tapered my expectations thereby creating an awesome movie-going experience.

EDIT:  5 hours later

Re-reading this, I understand there is very little review in this review.  It has been a rough couple of days in the Szever household and the old language formulation center is not fully operation.  

On Sharknado

You knew this post was coming.

LionEyes and I decided to forego renting a new movie for the evening from one of those boxes the color of red that have sprung up in just about any supermarket these days, chancing that we would find something watchable on TV.  Upon CrabCake's and Peanut's bedtimes we did a thorough channel scan.  Over 1,000 channels of nothing we want to watch.  One channel was showing the third X-Men flick, but I just had no interest in re-watching that ("I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!" /sigh).  But, alas, a current of hope in an ocean of despair - Sharknado would be on in an hour.

I had missed the initial airing of Sharknado on Syfy (I still hate the changed channel name - Syfy), but had marked my calendar for August 22nd (when I thought a subsequent airing would take place based on review of The Guide).  So I set the DVR to record, reading until a half an hour or so past the show's start-time (need that commercial fast-forward ability).  We grabbed some nachos, some salsa verde, and readied ourselves for the bad.

Sharknado was everything I expected it to be.  Completely over-the-top, relentless shark action, inconsistent (at best) filmography, horrendous CGI, and one-note characters.  But, there's a sharknado - no, there's three sharknados!  And what better defense against airborne sharks than a chainsaw?!

The sky would be dark, cloudy, rainy, one moment, and when cut to the next character in the dialogue, the backdrop would be bright and sunny.  LE commented on this and my only thought was - there are sharks in the streets, flying through the air, and this is what bothers you?  Water depths would have half submerged a school bus in one scene, but cars and SUVs are driving by the next.  Sharks swimming in the streets attacking the moving vehicles.

I'm not painting the best picture.  If you're going to watch a movie named Sharknado, you likely know what you're getting yourself into.  And I've stated in previous entries that the best campy movies are the ones that have no intention of being taken seriously.  Sharknado fits this perfectly.  The action is non-stop.  The sharks are ridiculous.  Hell, the plan to resolve the situation (spoiler warning) to use a helicopter to drop bombs into the sharknados is complete nonsense.  Continuing in spoiler territory - the scene posted above - Fin (yes, the main character's name is Fin) is swallowed by the pictured shark, only to cut his way out of it with the chainsaw.  And guess what, this is the same shark that swallowed his maybe girlfriend earlier, and she's ok.  How can you do anything but laugh?

To add to the viewing pleasure, during the re-airing of Sharknado, SyFy streamed in various places, the tweets of fans as a contest to name the forthcoming sequel.  The puns flew as people suggested The Jawsey Shore, etc.  One request was for Sharks on a Train (further requesting Samuel L. Jackson as star).  I opted to go a different route, and followed in SyFy's own path of pitting abnormal aquatic beasts against each other and suggested Sharknado vs. Crocaquake.

Make it happen SyFy Movies.

On A Good Day to Die Hard

Going into A Good Day to Die Hard, I was merely hoping for a mindless action movie.  Enough with the thought-provoking dramas, the intellectual thrillers, the smart comedies.  I want explosions, I want gratuitous violence and nudity.  I want my "yippykiyah motherfucker!" I did get my tagline, but overall, this was the WEAKEST of the Die Hard franchise to date.  And let's face it, in Live Free or Die Hard John McClane took out a helicopter with a car.

A Good Day to Die Hard follows the buddy-cop formula of John McClane bouncing his funny tough guy attitude off of an opposite (in this case, his son).  It just made me miss Samuel L. Jackson and Die Hard with a Vengeance.  Then it made me miss Samuel L. Jackson and Snakes on a Plane.  Because what tough guy tagline is better than "Enough is enough.  I've had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"?

But I'm off-topic.  A Good Day to Die Hard - there are just so many different directions I could take my griping.  Do we complain about the constant Clerks knock-off joke wherein "I'm not even supposed to be here today!" is replaced with "I'm on vacation!"?  Do we complain about what must be one of the worst car chases filmed?  Do we complain about the subtitles (movie takes place in Russia) that were too fast, too thin, and too small to be fully comprehended?  I suppose in asking, I've complained about them all.

John McClane's introduction to the "bad guys" has the villain dancing about while eating a carrot.  Tough guy eating a carrot has been done before to perfection, so, bad on you Die Hard.  Furthermore, Shoot Em Up fully satisfied my mindless action, gratuitous violence and nudity, explosions and gunfights quota.  Seriously, if you are tired of thinking and just want to watch some people run around and shoot at each other, go pick up Shoot Em Up.  Now.  I'll wait.

LionEyes had suggested we turn the movie off at the car chase scene (extremely early in the movie).  For me to abandon a movie (particularly one I rent or go to theaters to see) I really need to hate the movie.  Even though it was obvious at that early stage that this would be a subpar addition to a franchise that's been declining in quality, there must be at least some John McClane humor, some over-the-top action.  So, perhaps familiarity with the character and franchise was its saving grace.  

However, in the end LE could have been right.  After all, we have The Avengers sitting in a drawer and she hasn't seen it yet.  Persistence was not rewarded.  Hell, the last scene of the movie father, son and daughter have an emotional reunion at the airport and the writers opted for fake talking with music playing instead of writing any actual dialogue.  Maybe this should have been the end of John McClane, as he sacrifices himself to save his family, thus ending the Die Hard franchise (until Hollywood reboots it in three years).  

Cue Nine Inch Nails' 'Terrible Lie' and pretend I'm writing a clever closing to this rant.  

On Vampires

As far as I am aware, it all started with True Blood.  Some HBO executive had read the Sookie Stackhouse novels and thought "I can sell this to the public." And he did.  I can't remember any other serial television show that delved so far into "serious" fantasy territory (sitcoms (The Munsters and The Addams Family, etc.) don't count).  This helped in opening the door to Game of Thrones, and for that, we should be thankful (but that's beside the point).  

I want to like True Blood if only because it is the fantasy television we have.  The concept of vampires coming out of hiding and attempting to acclimate into human culture was intriguing.  The potential of clashes between vampires stuck in "the old ways" and those willing to meld with human ethos, clashes between humans accepting and revolting, power struggles in political arenas; there is so much potential in the show (I understand much is derived from novel, but I have not read any and likely never will, so will be referring to all plot, etc. as "the show").  I even accepted Sookie's telepathy, giving the lead character a twist without making her indestructible.  The series had potential to succeed where the Blade series failed, encompassing political, religious, moral drama.  Instead they gave us faeries.  

Deus ex machina.

I wanted to like True Blood because, let's face it, vampires are interesting.  With the current popularity of vampire fiction, they are also an archetype you cannot escape in some form.

I must warn you, I have hidden my "man" card where you will never find it, so you cannot take it away when I say that I have seen all of the Twilight movies (I'm married, I think it's a requirement).  Not my cup of tea.  Stephenie Meyer took vampires and gave them her own twist.  I can respect that, and maybe I would appreciate it more if I was 20 years younger and female (or perhaps 10 years older and female).  I understand at their roots, vampire stories were love stories.  If I am not going to have monsters, at least give me politics.  But alas, Twilight is nothing more than a weak romance.

On a side note, why do so many vampire-centric shows/movies/books need to include werewolves?

Oh, Lestat.  Anne Rice wrote love, religion, moral dilemma.  She wrote vampires from the 18th century through modern times.  She wrote vampires in love with vampires, vampires in love with humans, humans in love with vampires.  No one sparkled.  Did I love Interview?  Not necessarily.  I find it still holds as one of the better portrayals of vampires in modern media.  Plus it's "still a better love story than Twilight." 

So, Szever, what vampires do you prefer?

30 Days of Night (the comics, not the subpar movie adaptation) changed everything for me.  

Synopsis:  In a sleepy, secluded Alaska town called Barrow, the sun sets and doesn't rise for over thirty consecutive days and nights.  From the darkness, across the frozen wasteland, an evil will come that will bring the residents of Barrow to their knees.  The only hope for the town is the Sheriff and Deputy, husband and wife, who are torn between their own survival and saving the town they love.  

The synopsis doesn't do the story justice, which includes love, morality, vampire politics.  However, this is horror.  Ben Templesmith's art is frightening, and the vampires are ruthless.  

On the Aftermath

I continue to be speechless.  More than that.  I continue to have an utter lack of motivation to think about how to avoid being speechless.  More than that.  I continue to lack the motivation to do much of anything requiring voluntary use of brain function (hence the dry spell in posts).  I wanted the Game of Thrones season to end well.  There is ample excitable material in the remainder of book three for the writers to have chosen from.  Fail.  The wait for season four feels less urgent now.  Not sure that's a good thing.  Sati over at Cinematic Corner was better able to convey the disappointment adeptly than I am capable of at the moment.  I am struggling to put grammatically correct sentences together.  How I feel when the thought of "maybe it will be better the second viewing" comes to mind...

Behind on my movie-going (still haven't seen Iron Man - *hangs comic book nerd head in shame*) and now the reviews for Superman are abysmal.  Our AMC Stubs plan is up for renewal, which means it's time to determine if we have the babysitting capacity and energy to see the six movies it takes to have the plan pay for itself in reduced fees.  I would hope we could manage six in a year.  I have a feeling my next movie may end up being Monsters U. for CrabCakes first movie theater experience.  I fear the experience may result in something like...

Only about 10% into Abaddon's Gate by James S.A. Corey (book three of The Expanse series).  I'm typically not a huge sci-fi book person (or is it SyFy these days?), but this series reads like an action movie.  I am looking forward to continuing the series, but note the motivational piece in paragraph one.

To make matters worse, another round of "The Cold" has taken residence in the household.  

Posts should pick up again as TV brings a few shows I've been looking forward to.

 Dexter series finale (should have ended with the John Lithgow season) and adaptation of Stephen King's Under the Dome.

Until then, I've been piecing together (had been before this length of the doldrums) what to use for rating purposes when the motivation to consume and review movies, tv and books comes back.  Nothing finalized yet, but I think this is fitting for the GoT season finale.